And now you sea* me…

Did I feel desperate? Definitely curious… Every friend I had at that time was online dating.  I resisted as long as I could, and only agreed to it because there was four of us using the same agency at the same time. I was following the herd, you may say…  We had fun! We had fun reading all the letter a loud, looking at all the pictures together, writing collective messages to our correspondents…  I smile every time I think about that time… all the laughter…  And then, all of a sudden, it got serious… We started seeing real human beings behind all those endless letters. There were men who were genuinely interested in a relationship…  So, if you ask me: “Do you believe in online dating? “  My answer is: “Absolutely”  VGM 

Thousand miles away… It has been a few months since we started talking. He keeps finding excuses why we can’t meet… I am not in a hurry, though, don’t want to create this persona in my head, someone, he is not… Let me see… I have over 20 years of online dating experience. Only few of you may remember the time when you could order wife through a catalog… I am not making this up!  I held one of those catalogs in my hands. It looked like those thick magazines your mother ordered her clothes from… For a younger generation I would compare it to Yellow Pages or a phone book…  Now, I didn’t make to one of those catalogs. I was too young, just got divorced and was truly enjoying life of a single woman. So, all this long-distance dating started with catalogs… Then, internet happened… And every man or a woman, who didn’t find second half yet, wanted to merry an Eastern European. Why? You tell me…  Then, we moved on to the whole new level of diversity…  I didn’t believe in any ...

  I forgot to tell you, I am a psychologist, not the one who signs prescriptions left and right. That would be a psychiatrist. I listen to people every day, their stories, fears and troubles. It’s my job to listen and not interfere unless necessary…   Sometimes I feel like smacking my patient on the head because of how ridiculous he/she may sound… It is also my job to keep it together…   Turns out he is real.   We spoke on the phone. He talks a lot. He doesn’t stop for a second…  Come on dude! I am getting a headache here! Don’t you want to know about me, at least a little? …  Okay, keep going. I turn the volume down in my head.  I think, he is talking this much because he is afraid of silence… He is definitely overcompensating…  He is shy. I am no longer listening. It’s too much. I don’t even know what to say when he stops talking… Feels like there’s nothing to add… Alright, that went well…   I have to give him a credit. He is sweet, definit...

  I should describe myself at this point… or at least what I think of myself…   It’s hard… We can talk about others a lot easier…  I am what I am, nothing more, nothing less…  I knew many and this is why I am alone…  I think this would be the right description… Do I really feel lonely? … Busy mind is never lonely, I always say.  My question is: do I need a man to complete me, or will he be my partner in crime? I am sure, you already know the answer... I am a good looking, tall, fit woman in my early 50s, independent, kind and smart. I think, he is good looking too, nothing special, you know…   Not a dream, but who needs a pretty one… Pretty guys are in love with themselves…  I said:  - I may not be the woman of your dreams but my sensuality will follow you.  And he said:  - How do you know it’s not following me already?  Wow, this guy is good! He can’t be real…  Is it one of those  scams? … VGM To be continued…

  Remember, I was saying I don’t like my pictures? …  It turns out, guys do. And everyone of them believes he is the right peace of puzzle… Now, how do I narrow it down? … I like them so intelligent that it feels sexy…  Speaking of sexy   - those are hard to find - someone who is so playful without being vulgar…  Wow, here is one…  - You are my type (he says).  Interesting icebreaker…  - And what is your type?  He: - What horoscope sign is you? Men never ask this question… Very strange…  - You are the most passionate sign of the horoscope. I want it all! (He says)  Here it is - undeniable combination of power and possession, and at the same time total freedom and acceptance of who I am… VGM  To be continued…

...Here I am in front of the computer… at 2 in the morning… I was trying to get some sleep. That didn’t happen… Came to the conclusion I need to change something in my life…  I need a guy… Do I?  Okay, stop thinking like that. I already decided I need a guy…  This is why I can’t sleep - I can’t stop changing my mind! Where was I?  I am going to create a dating profile…  Picture… They want my picture. … The last time I liked my own pictures was about 20 years ago…  … I think all these was a bad idea… I better get back to bed. …No! I can do this! Pictures… spent another hour looking through my photos… kids, grandkids… There isn’t one decent picture of me alone…    Okay, this one will work.  What am I looking for? …  Hmmm … Someone who doesn’t irritate me to death? …  Okay! Be serious now…  So far, I know exactly what I am not looking for…  Be positive!  I would like to find someone handsome, smart, with sense of humor, ...