And now you sea* me…

Wake up...   Get up... Leave the house...  If, whatever you are expecting to happen, is not happening, take a different path to get there...  VGM

 Ultimate Control is a deceiving and delusional desire of an emotionally poor mind, that can never be satisfied...   I have never been possessive. You are free of being and doings whatever you want... This is the only way I can appreciate you for who you are. If you feel captivated by me sometimes it is chemistry, not control...  I don’t mind the feeling of a little possession, when I am dancing in front of you…  At that very moment you belong to me fully and unconditionally...  And, yet... you can say the same about me - I am in your hands...  This possession and control are equal, balanced, united... and most fulfilling… VGM

 Have you ever loved someone out of pity? …  Us, women, with our motherly instincts, transferring our motherhood to incapable men? … Though, he is not incapable at all…  He knows you. He knows how to use your instincts to his benefit…  Let him have it…  Let him live his fantasy…  Lead him to believe he is your God… Illusions make men happy… And us, women, satisfied… VGM

  I forgot to tell you, I am a psychologist, not the one who signs prescriptions left and right. That would be a psychiatrist. I listen to people every day, their stories, fears and troubles. It’s my job to listen and not interfere unless necessary…   Sometimes I feel like smacking my patient on the head because of how ridiculous he/she may sound… It is also my job to keep it together…   Turns out he is real.   We spoke on the phone. He talks a lot. He doesn’t stop for a second…  Come on dude! I am getting a headache here! Don’t you want to know about me, at least a little? …  Okay, keep going. I turn the volume down in my head.  I think, he is talking this much because he is afraid of silence… He is definitely overcompensating…  He is shy. I am no longer listening. It’s too much. I don’t even know what to say when he stops talking… Feels like there’s nothing to add… Alright, that went well…   I have to give him a credit. He is sweet, definitely shy and insecure.  Well, no one is perfe

 Living one day at the time is a great way to deal with immediate stress, to keep better control over your daily emotions...  Scarlett O’Hara (“Gone with the wind “) used to say - “I’ll worry about that tomorrow “...and never gave it a second thought... It made her indifferent to other people’s feelings... Unfortunately pushing negative experiences and emotions away is like applying a Band-Aid to a deep wound that needs stitches. It will heal one day... It’s going to leave an ugly scar...  We have to sew our wounds stitch by stitch... by ourselves or with help of others...  We have to answer all the difficult questions- why, what and how... We have to try to be as objective as we can, even if it hurts. And we avoid pain...  Objectivity comes with understanding “why”.   Then... “What” and “how” help with compartmentalization, forgiveness and let go...  All painful experiences will transform into a positive lesson...one day...  VGM

  I should describe myself at this point… or at least what I think of myself…   It’s hard… We can talk about others a lot easier…  I am what I am, nothing more, nothing less…  I knew many and this is why I am alone…  I think this would be the right description… Do I really feel lonely? … Busy mind is never lonely, I always say.  My question is: do I need a man to complete me, or will he be my partner in crime? I am sure, you already know the answer... I am a good looking, tall, fit woman in my early 50s, independent, kind and smart. I think, he is good looking too, nothing special, you know…   Not a dream, but who needs a pretty one… Pretty guys are in love with themselves…  I said:  - I may not be the woman of your dreams but my sensuality will follow you.  And he said:  - How do you know it’s not following me already?  Wow, this guy is good! He can’t be real…  Is it one of those  scams? … VGM To be continued…

 You don’t really need to write a story from the beginning...  There are thoughts...  Write them down. Even, if they don’t lead to anything...  Even, if they feel insignificant at the moment...  Let it go for a little while...  Then, read it as an outsider, like you have never written it...  Sometimes... all those little notes can turn into one masterpiece… VGM

 … Love is unexplainable and irrational feeling...  We have no say in whom to love and why...  The magic of it is to except someone into your heart on no conditions...  Something, very insignificant, can trigger eternal fire...   VGM

  ... I think of a million tiny miracles that happen to us every day…  From the moment we wake up to sunrise...  A friendly greeting...  complement... hug… care... smile... laugh...  And of course... love... sunset... and peace... VGM

  ... I am at that perfect age when I eat what I want... without fear, reservations or regrets... And I am not talking about food… A love...  Slow or fast...  Giving away every inch of myself... little by little... or all at once... following your lead of emotions... your needs, wants and passions... exposing myself, pleasuring you... giving you what you want to see or feel about me...  It’s easy because I know you...  Even…  I don’t know you at all...  VGM

  I had a dream...  Nothing profound...  We were in the kitchen... I guess it was a breakfast time... You were making coffee... your back on me...  You whispered so quietly -” I love you “.  I didn’t ask you to repeat...     I knew...  VGM

  Genius… It’s fed by painful, unfulfilled, restricted, uneven, broken love...  When pain is unbearable...  When desire to be near an object or a subject of your love becomes an obsession ...  When everything else in life makes no sense...  This is when true talent or vicious evil born...  VGM

  Remember, I was saying I don’t like my pictures? …  It turns out, guys do. And everyone of them believes he is the right peace of puzzle… Now, how do I narrow it down? … I like them so intelligent that it feels sexy…  Speaking of sexy   - those are hard to find - someone who is so playful without being vulgar…  Wow, here is one…  - You are my type (he says).  Interesting icebreaker…  - And what is your type?  He: - What horoscope sign is you? Men never ask this question… Very strange…  - You are the most passionate sign of the horoscope. I want it all! (He says)  Here it is - undeniable combination of power and possession, and at the same time total freedom and acceptance of who I am… VGM  To be continued…

  He says:   - I love you. I love you so much!  His face is all - emotions…  He is overplaying it. I feel it. I know it…  Maybe I don’t want to believe him?  Or, I don’t want him to love me? I have to think about it… Remember that song... “Players only love you when they’re playing”?… I wonder: How much those players like to get played?… And I said: - I love you too!  VGM

  ... I hope I will always be able to appreciate every memory of the past on my face...   So…  I promise myself to laugh and smile more… VGM